she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
