New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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