K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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