I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
