Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
