Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
