The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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