I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
