but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
