How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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