My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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