Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
