don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We just shotgunned beers for America
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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