That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
