At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
