last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
