Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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