My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
