Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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