I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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