It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
