Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
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We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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