I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
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I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
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Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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