The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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