So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
