my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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