like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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