I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dick very happy bro
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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