That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
