we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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