we're chasing vodka with high fives
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
