I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Cover your peen. We're going out.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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