Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
