so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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