WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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