This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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