both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
