I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
