Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm bleeding and have questions
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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