ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
