Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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