Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
