I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
