He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
