Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
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Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
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You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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