my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
