Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
