He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
