I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
