remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
