Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
