didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
