and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
