2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
