Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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