This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
