I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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