I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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