Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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