I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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