How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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