Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
