The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
