god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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