threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
