i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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