Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
