Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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