um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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