Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
