Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
