wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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