she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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