OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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