Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
