I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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