the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Randomize
