they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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